


A Birthday Bash

by I_fucked_your_mom



Series: Country Boy I Love You [5]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Birthdays are fun, Bleh, I Love You, M/M, Parties, Who doesnt love cake, country boy, its dummy, orange farmer hisoka au, yup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:40:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24283738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_fucked_your_mom/pseuds/I_fucked_your_mom
Summary: “I bet you can’t guess what day it is tomorrow.”“It is Wednesday.” Illumi responded, confused that his husband was doubting his knowledge of the current weekday. If anything, it was Hisoka that was more likely to forget things like that.“Yes, yes Wednesday.” Hisoka waved a hand in front of his face. “I mean what else is it tomorrow.”“June 6th?” Illumi’s face was blank in contrast to the seemingly rising frustration in Hisoka’s.“NOOOO!” Hisoka wailed. Seemingly fed up with Illumi’s obliviousness, he stood and anime pointed directly between his eyes. “It is my Birthday!”Hey lookey there! It's another part of the Hisoka and Illumi country boy farmers au. And it's Hisoka's Birthday? I wonder what could happen!(ps. If you have not read the other parts of this series you may have some trouble understanding parts)
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Series: Country Boy I Love You [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1680883
Comments: 10
Kudos: 122
Collections: Anime & Manga FFs





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi ho!  
> I procrastinate a lot so sorry if you have been waiting for this for a while. Here is a new part of the farmer Hisoka series. I hope you like it.

It was a pleasant Tuesday morning, and the day had started like it always did. Hisoka tended the farm, and Illumi, who was tired after returning from the Zoldyck manor late on Monday, slept in. When he woke up, he made a simple meal of sandwiches and when Hisoka returned from the barn, they settled on the back porch to eat. 

As was usual, the lunchtime conversation started with Hisoka chattering about anything and everything that came to his mind; Illumi quietly listening and occasionally commenting. When Hisoka ran out of subjects to talk about they would spend the rest of their time sitting in a comfortable silence and staring out at the orange orchard that sprawled across their extensive backyard. Hisoka planted the trees fully grown and in the 3 months since then, they looked pretty much the same as when they had first been planted, and Illumi could tell his husband was waiting with bated breaths for any changes. He did not really get why he was so excited, but he wasn’t going to say anything. Watching how tenderly Hisoka took care of his plants was… cute. 

He was marveling over this revelation when Hisoka turned to him, a shit eating grin spreading across his face, and spoke:

“I bet you can’t guess what day it is tomorrow.” 

“It is Wednesday.” Illumi responded, confused that his husband was doubting his knowledge of the current weekday. If anything, it was Hisoka that was more likely to forget things like that.

“Yes, yes Wednesday.” Hisoka waved a hand in front of his face. “I mean what else is it tomorrow.”

“June 6th?” Illumi’s face was blank in contrast to the seemingly rising frustration in Hisoka’s. 

“NOOOO!” Hisoka wailed. Seemingly fed up with Illumi’s obliviousness, he stood and anime pointed directly between his eyes. “It is my Birthday!”

“Birthday?” Illumi’s eyes widened. He hadn’t known it was Hisoka’s birthday. The files the Zoldyck butlers had on him did not mention the date, and it had never occurred to him to check the Hunter’s association website. And anyway he didn’t think it was that important. 

“Yeees, it’s my birthday and I want a caaaake,” Hisoka whined and flopped dramatically back into his chair. “You’re my husband, you are supposed to do nice things for me on my birthday.” He pouted.

“Like make you a cake?”

“Exactly, like make me a cake.” He grabbed Illumi’s hand from his lap. “Oooh, and I want food and decorations and dancing, and we can have a whole party, just you and me” Hisoka grinned, looking hopefully at his stoic husband.

A party, huh. 

Illumi thought about this. They had never had a party together before. He wasn’t sure they’d even attended a party together before. 

Could you consider the fancy dinner they had when Hisoka proposed a party? It was a celebration of sorts. They had splurged on desert. There was a large slice of chocolate cake for himself and some kind of exorbitantly expensive ice cream for Hisoka, which he had eaten half of despite his husband’s protests.

A party?

Illumi wrinkled his nose. Hisoka’s idea of a party was also probably quite different than his. As a member of the Zoldyck family, he was used to participating in extravagant galas or soirees to increase his family’s social standing or to assassinate powerful public figures while they had their guard down. He was quite unfamiliar with the more unruly “party scene,” although he was sure that Hisoka had been an avid participant in this lifestyle, especially during his time at heavens arena. 

But a party with just the two of them? He could handle that. 

Right? 

Illumi looked back at his hopeful husband. “Sure, we can have a party.” 

He was positive that he did not know what he had just gotten himself into- But he was determined now. If he was going to throw a party for Hisoka, it would be the best damn party he had ever seen. 

Illumi walked into town, confident in his party planning skills. He knew that parties definitely had food and music and gifts and decorations. Besides, It was for Hisoka, so he knew that he just had to get the gaudiest version of each of these things and he would love it. 

It wasn’t until later when Illumi was wandering through the endless aisles at some store with ‘party’ in the name (party central? party boulevard?) that he realized this may be harder than he thought. 

How could he pick the gaudiest thing when everything was so gaudy? Hisoka would have a field day with the amount of tacky and idiotic products that lined the shelves. It was all very distracting, but he tried to keep himself on track. The first thing he needed was cups. He wandered over to the paper plastic tableware section and began his selection process.

This was easy. It was a simple game of “process of elimination.” Cups with flamingo patterns? Hisoka mentioned once that birds were a government ploy to spy on the public. Cups with a little golf ball pattern? He had also mentioned that the only sport that he would ever play was dodgeball. Cups decorated with any children’s show were all obvious no’s, and cups that were just a solid color were much too boring. Suddenly Illumi spotted them.

The ideal cups.

They were terrible.

They were ugly.

They were perfect.

The cups in question were very loudly patterned with circus tents and animals, perfectly suited to Hisoka’s clown aesthetic. 

He moved to grab them and put the circus dinnerware in his shopping cart when he noticed …them.

The ideal cups. 

They were terrible.

They were ugly.

They were perfect.

wait…

The cups in question were black with a pattern of playing cards and suits, perfectly suited to the magician aesthetic that Hisoka had.

But were they better than the circus cups? Illumi grabbed both cups in either hand and brought them up to his face to stare at them. 

And stare at them.

And stare at them…

And stare at them…..

“You seem like you need help.” A young blond woman in an employee uniform addressed Illumi, startling him. “Do you need any aid deciding which cups to purchase, sir?” She eyed him quizzically.

Illumi turned to her, “Oh no thank you, Ms. um…” He glanced at her nametag. “Amy. I appreciate your concern, but I am fine.” He had been about 4 seconds from calling Hisoka and asking him if he was a clown or a magician when she had approached him, but his pride kept him from asking for her help.

“Wow, handsome and manners, too!” Amy laughed.

What?! Illumi’s face scrunched and he sharply turned to walk away from her. 

“Wait! Wait, I’m sorry mister, you just looked so lost staring at those cups, and then you talked, and you speak so properly. I couldn’t help but make fun of you just a little bit.”

Illumi was going to continue to walk out of the store but then he looked at the two cups in his hands and his empty basket. He sighed and reluctantly turned back to the girl, thrusting the cups toward her.

“I am throwing a birthday party for my husband.” Illumi stated curtly. “ Which cups do you think he would like better?”

Her eyes widened at the cups that were suddenly in her face and she stepped back. “Well,” she started hesitantly, “what is your husband like?”

He blinked at the question. If you had never met Hisoka before, he was kind of hard to explain. His go-to description used to be an “ostentatiously murderous clown man (magician man?)”. However this didn’t quite fit anymore as Hisoka hadn’t killed anyone- to his knowledge- since they had moved onto the farm, and he also probably did not want Illumi to tell their new fellow towns members that he used to murder people for fun. 

“My husband is... odd.” He supplied instead. 

“Odd?” Amy put her hands on her hips and stared up at him. “You are going to have to give me more than that.”

Glaring at the cups once more, Illumi placed both in the basket, deciding to make the decision between them later, and pulled out his phone. He went into his gallery and found one of the many selfies that Hisoka littered his phone with every time he got his hands on it and showed it to Amy. 

“This is him.”

She grabbed the phone and gawked at the picture. 

“Wow.” Amy whistled a long, low tune, “Your husband is just as good looking as you.” She laughed as Illumi snatched his phone back out of her hands. 

“Relax, relax. I’m just messing with you.” She continued snorting at the repulsed look on his face. “But that guy’s really your husband? I’ve seen him before.”

“You have?” Illumi did not know that Hisoka was acquainted with anyone in the town.

“Yeah, a couple months back my friend’s cows disappeared, and then all of a sudden this ginormous cow showed up in some guy's yard. It was wild.”

“Ah yes,” Illumi thought, “the cow incident.”

“Well, everyone went over to the house to fight the cow monster or whatever but when we showed up, we saw your husband instead. He just performed something like a weird magic show.”

She squinted. “If my memory serves, the house was right next door to my grandma’s.”

Her grandma? Her grandma wouldn’t happen to be his embroidery teacher Madam Gilbert, would she? Illumi asked the girl and was surprised to find that he was right.

“Oh, you know Grandma?” Amy was suddenly very excitable, “I was named after her, I’ll have you know. You must be the new embroidery student she has been telling me about.”

“Yes, she is my master.”

“You’re really weird, you know that.” She punched his arm good-naturedly, and Illumi resisted the urge to kill her. (His master wouldn’t like that.) “Your name’s Illumi, right?” He nodded. 

“Well now that I know that you are friends with my grandma, I’ll make sure that you have the best party!” She smiled at Illumi before considering the two patterns of cups in his basket. 

“I have figured it out.” She clapped her hands together and beamed at Illumi eyes wide with determination, “You should get both.”

Both? The idea had not occurred to him. He had doubted it when he first found out that Amy was related to his master, but it seems that some of his master’s wisdom had in fact been passed down to her. He allowed Amy to lead him around the store and pick out the matching tableware and decorations to his cups, and was pleasantly surprised when she gave him a detailed list of exactly what foods he would need to buy for the party. He was so grateful that he decided that he would embroider her a handkerchief to show his appreciation, but that would have to come later. Tomorrow, he had a party to throw.

Wednesday morning started as it always did. Hisoka woke up to tend to the farm and Illumi slept late, or so Hisoka thought. Little did he know that Illumi was only pretending to be asleep and as soon as Hisoka left the house, he got up and started getting ready for the party. 

It was not an especially hard process to decorate, placing a circus patterned tablecloth on the kitchen table along with the new patterned tableware and adorning every high space with brightly colored, card themed streamers. But the real challenge came in preparing the birthday meal. Illumi was not what you would call a bad cook, it was hard to be a bad cook when you followed the recipe exactly down to the last second of the cook time, but Hisoka always told Illumi that his food was boring. “No character,” he would say, “No adventure.” 

So, since it was Hisoka’s birthday, Illumi was determined to make something with the “character” his cuisine so often lacked. Amy had advised him that for lunch he should go with a birthday classic: pizza. Additionally he had arranged for several different kinds to be delivered at lunchtime. All that was left was to make snacks, sides, and most importantly the cake. 

Now the cake, Illumi had been informed, was the most important part of a birthday party- and it all had to do with the flavor of the cake. Illumi’s favorite flavor was, of course, chocolate, but he was not sure about Hisoka. He was not particularly choosy about the flavors of his sweets, eating pretty much anything Illumi made without complaint, and had never seemed to favor any of them over any other. So, it was up to Illumi to figure out what flavor to make this cake. As he was not sure what to make, he had bought basically every ingredient that was found in virtually any type of cake, just in case. He had prolonged his indecisiveness, but now was time. He must decide. 

Illumi was pacing throughout the kitchen, contemplating his choice, when he heard a telltale scratching noise through the backdoor. This usually meant that Hisoka’s goat had gotten loose and was chewing the corner of the porch, a thing that Illumi endlessly berated Hisoka for, though he still had yet to do anything about it. He seethed as he went to scare the goat away from the porch but stopped when he opened the backdoor and gazed out at the orchard beyond.

Oranges.

Of course. That was the obvious answer all along. 

He smiled a little to himself, at his own stupidity, as he scared off the goat and went back inside to bake an orange cake. He would even make it an orange spice cake so it would have that “character” his husband wanted sooo badly. It would be perfect.

Illumi dedicated himself to baking the cake with earnest, and an hour and a half later there was a beautiful orange cake cooling and waiting to be iced. He had used the cook time to whip up some snacks and was almost finished setting up. All he had to do was wait for the pizza to be dropped off (at Grandma Amy’s so Hisoka would not notice), retrieve it, and then the party would be ready. 

“Oh,” he remembered, “I still needed to wrap Hisoka’s gift.” He was originally planning to just gift Hisoka a no holds barred fight. They had been sparring daily, but these spars had stringent restrictions to make sure they didn’t accidentally hurt each other too badly, and Illumi was sure that his husband was itching for a fight where he didn’t have to hold back. But, just at that moment, he remembered the project that he had been working on with Grandma Amy. 

When he started learning from her a few weeks ago, she had told him to grab an article of clothing that he didn’t want anymore that he could practice embroidery on. Seeing as how he liked all his clothes, he had instead stolen one of Hisoka’s numerous white crop tops. (He hadn’t been wearing them as often, as they didn’t fit in with his new country boy persona and resulting attire, and Illumi did not think that he would notice if it went missing.) Since then he had been practicing all his embroidery on it, and it was now covered in small flowers and leaves. Sometimes thinking of his husband, Illumi had also embroidered the suits of cards amidst the flowers. As it was his first successful embroidery project, it was still loose in places and overly tightened others. Basically, it was a bit of a mess, but Illumi was proud of it. It had “character.” 

He hoped his husband would like it, too.

Illumi wrapped his gift, iced the cake, and retrieved the now delivered pizzas from Grandma Amy’s house, being especially stealthy so Hisoka would not notice. He surveyed the kitchen, where the party was to be held, and marveled at how something so meager had given him such emotional turmoil. The things he did for his husband. He scoffed. It was nearing the time that Hisoka returned from the barn and Illumi did not want to wait for him anymore. 

Fortunately, Hisoka took that moment to burst through the door calling, “Illumi dear! Wake UP! It’s MY BIRTHDAY!!” He stopped when he saw the streamers leading to the kitchen and his husband. 

“Surprise.” Illumi deadpanned. 

Hisoka looked around at the party that his husband had put together and smiled softly. “You really made this for me?” 

“I said I would, didn’t I,” he was offended at his husband's apparent lack of faith. “Now sit down and eat your lunch.” 

They sat together and ate their food, Illumi taking note that Hisoka favored the heathenish pineapple and ham pizza and drank from their mismatched cups. Hisoka, as always, chatted away. 

When they finished their food, Illumi hooked his phone up to a speaker and pressed onto Hisoka’s playlist. It was an exceptionally long playlist with a diverse array of music, and Hisoka played it often, subjecting Illumi to many hours of his questionable music taste. This did not really bother Illumi, as he had only been exposed to classical music as a child and he enjoyed watching his husband’s antics as he sang and danced around to the music while Illumi worked or did his embroidery. He expected this to be the case again today, Hisoka dancing while he did not, but this expectation was shattered when Hisoka stood up and held a hand out to him. 

“Dance with me?”

Illumi scrunched his nose. Being a smooth and graceful assassin did not really translate to dancing, and he knew that he had two left feet. As he gazed up at the hopeful face of his husband, however, he realized he couldn’t say no.

“Only because it is your birthday.” Illumi took his hand.

The song they were listening to was upbeat and Hisoka took the lead in the dance. Illumi tried to copy as best he could but his motions were quite stiff. His husband did not seem to mind though and just laughed as they danced. This pattern continued for a few songs. Hisoka dancing effortlessly, with Illumi trying (and failing) to copy his easy grace, but after a while, the universe seemed to take pity on Illumi, and a slow song came on. Hisoks stopped his animated dancing and pulled Illumi into his chest. They swayed together. 

Dancing required a physical closeness that Illumi was not used to, and at the start of the dance, he was... tense. The only people he had ever allowed within his personal space were his siblings, and as they got older, they had all drawn away from him. Milluki hadn’t purposefully spoken to him in years. Killua had run away from him, and taken his sister with him. As for Kalluto, he hadn’t seen him since he had joined the phantom troupe. 

Now that he thought about it, Illumi realized that the only person who had touched him without intent to hurt him in years was Hisoka. His husband was very physically affectionate, always grabbing Illumi’s hand and touching his shoulder or waist. Illumi always moved away from these touches as quickly as they occurred, but this never dissuaded Hisoka; he continued to offer these small touches and slowly Illumi was getting used to them. 

Slowly.

They danced together- both feeling an ease that they had never felt with anyone else. Illumi especially was filling up with emotions that he could not yet name. That he did not know how to handle. It was overwhelming him.

As soon as the song was over, Illumi rushed out of his husband’s embrace and turned off the music. Hisoka started to protest but stopped when he saw the vulnerable expression across Illumi’s face. It seemed that that was enough dancing for one day. 

He seemed to be disappointed for a few moments but perked right back up at the mention of gifts and cake. He had been eyeing the intricately frosted cake all throughout lunch, but was forbidden from eating it, as it was too early. Now that it was time, he was ready to dig in. However, he was stopped again when Illumi brought out a 100 pack of birthday candles and started stabbing them into the cake. 

He eyed bored into Hisoka’s as he did so, as if trying to clue him into something. Hisoka counted the candles as Illumi quite forcefully jabbed them into the cake, trying to determine what it was his husband wanted to know.

“Oh!” Hisoka thought, “He is trying to figure out how old I am.” He smiled back at Illumi and watched as he continued to stab candles into the cake. He briefly considered just telling him his age but decided that it was more fun to see how many candles his husband would stick into the poor cake before giving up. 

He should not have doubted his husband's resolve, as Illimi continued to jab candles into the cake, despite the lack of response. Illumi’s expression started to darken, though, when he hit around 35 candles, as he was 100% sure that Hisoka was relatively close to his own age, and he only continued to get more and more annoyed the more candles he added. His face became practically murderous when he ran out of candles and, if possible, became even worse as he struggled to light them.

Hisoka’s expression was the exact opposite of his husbands, his becoming more and more amused as the candles were added. As he watched Illumi almost burn himself several times while trying to light the many candles on the cake, he decided to take pity on him. 

“I am 29 today, since you seem to want to know so badly.” He removed 71 unlit candles until only the 29 that symbolize his age remained. This left the cake full of holes, but much easier to light. “And speaking of ages and birthdays,” he continued, watching Illumi visibly relax, “What are yours?”

“I’m 24,” Illumi said, finishing lighting the candles, “but since you gave me so many problems with the candles, I’ll leave it to you to figure out my birthday.”

He gave a tiny smirk before starting a monotone chorus of happy birthday. Hisoka, knowing that was all he would get out of his husband and confident in his birthday finding skills, joined in and loudly and obnoxiously sang happy birthday to himself, covering up Illumi’s more moderately volumed singing. He had a large slice of cake and praised his husband for his baking skills and flavor picking. Orange was his favorite, after all. 

When he was done, Illumi handed Hisoka the long awaited gift. He hadn’t ever received a proper gift from his husband before, as they had skipped the courting phase of a relationship, so Hisoka had no idea what to expect of the gift. It was in a small cardboard box, covered in red wrapping paper. He ripped into it eagerly. 

When he first pulled out the embroidered shirt, Hisoka wasn’t quite sure what he was looking at. He had seen Illumi working diligently on his embroidery, and knew that he had been dutifully going over to Grandma Amy’s 3 times a week to study with her. Despite this, Hisoka had not known that Illumi’s project was meant to be a gift for Him. He continued to stare at the shirt and noticed the little embroidered card suits amidst the leaves; a perfect representation of a mixture of his old life as a notorious trickster murderer and his new one as a farmer. The embroidery wasn’t perfect, but Hisoka did not care. It was obvious that Illumi had put a lot of time into it, and that he had been on his mind as he made it. If he didn’t know any better, he might have thought that it was made with... love. 

As Hisoka stared at the shirt, the usually unflappable Illumi became more and more fidgety. He had expected an immediate response from his husband, so when he didn’t get it, he became worried that his husband didn’t actually like his present. Illumi began to doubt himself. He should have just gotten him a normal present- like a new pair of shoes. Hisoka liked shoes, right? There was still time. He could run into town and get him a nice pair of shoes and they could never talk about his failed attempt at a gift ever again. That would work right? 

Right?

His fears were assuaged when Hisoka threw his arms around him. 

“I love it!” He said, hastily letting go of him, stripping out of his old shirt, and putting on his gift before continuing his assault of affection. 

Illumi, who had endured quite enough emotion already that day, swiftly ended the hug, and the two continued the rest of the day (almost) as they always did. They had their evening spar. And afterwards, they settled down to watch tv together on the couch in their living room. If Hisoka cuddled a little closer than he normally would, his husband didn’t comment. And when they got ready for bed, Illumi even let Hisoka brush and braid his hair, an act that he knew his husband enjoyed, but he rarely allowed him to do. He made sure to inform him that this would not become a habit but found himself thinking that he wouldn’t really mind if it did. 

They both had no trouble falling asleep that night, content in each other’s presence, and knowing that they would go back to their regular routine the next day. A routine that seemed to be slowly changing. That they were changing together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo it's me again. I'm sorry for the looooong time for this part to come out. I've been busy doing.... nothing (also i dyed my hair). 
> 
> Thank you for reading and leave a comment if you feel so inclined. They make me feel really good and also motivate me to actually write instead of watching naruto. (hahaha the yokes on you cause i wrote this while watching naruto)
> 
> As you can see we are slowly meeting the other towns members. Maybe the next one wont be named Amy. Maybe not. Who knows.
> 
> Also fun fact: i called this story a birthday bash cause i was going to have them fight but then i realized   
> 1\. i don't know how to write a fight scene and  
> 2\. soft is better soooft sooooooooft
> 
> here's a fun question: between hisoka and Illumi which do you think is my favorite? and my 2 editors (my sister and her friend) favorite?  
> Leave a comment with your guess! The answer in in the notes of the next chapter.


	2. Epilouge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dummy dummy no thoughts

It was the next day when Illumi was using some of the leftover tableware from the party, a circus themed plate with a playing cards themed cup, that he remembered his burning question. He turned to Hisoka, who was gently leaning against his shoulder (when had he started doing that?) and asked The Question.

“Are you a clown or a magician?”

Hisoka grinned as he sat up. “That my dear Illumi,” he said with a flourish, “Is for me to know, and you to wonder.”

This response was met with 2 nen needles inserted into the back of his neck, effectively paralyzing him. 

“I’ll ask you one more time.”

Illumi’s bloodlust radiated off of him, causing his hair to rise. 

“Are you a clown or a magician.” He was deadly quiet as he spoke.

“I am…” He grinned maniacally.

“Annoying."

And thus, Illumi murdered Hisoka and spent the rest of his years in the small town as the dramatic and crazy widower that chased children off of his lawn and shot at birds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the answer to the question, which of the 2 of them are my and my editors favorite, is:  
> My favorite- Illumi  
> My sisters favorite- in cannon Hisoka, in fanfiction Illumi  
> My sisters friend's favorite- Hisoka
> 
> can you tell?


End file.
